New Beginnings...(aka I DON'T LIKE CHANGE)

Ok, ok, ok I know it has been several weeks since I wrote...heck I only wrote one post then...nada. Well I could use the excuse "we just moved" but it has been a month which makes me feel even more guilty as to why there are still boxes left unpacked. Sigh. I could use the excuse that my dryer was broken so I couldn't do all of the laundry but then again I could have just hauled the 10 loads to the laundromat but...
I could use the excuse that the kids are out of school now and keep me extra busy but what about the 4 days I was kidfree? In all honesty, I am a lazy bum, as of late. I believe that it is easier for me to be this way because I carry the 40+ pounds around again that I lost a couple years ago. This is not me deep down, I hate being this big again and although people say that I look good, this is about ME and how I feel about ME. 
So, what am I going to do? Keep whining and hope the weight comes off? Or get my butt in gear again and pursue my goals again? I shall do the second! 
I really feel like my entire life is in a rut. I need to break out of this and finish my degree, lose this weight, and learn to appreciate all the wonderful people I have in my life. 
I HATE change but I also do NOT like the way I feel about myself. I need to take care of myself again. For too long I have worried about others and tended to others needs' above my own. It is not healthy and it is tiring.
I have just applied to another Gerontology program, one hopefully that will fit better into my lifestyle. I have just moved from a run down dump to a lovely finished home. 
I need to shed this weight. It holds me back on all levels in my life. I am going to do this, just as I did 2 years ago. Change won't come overnight but I need to learn to love myself again. I like to believe I am an awesome, sexy, bright, intelligent, loving, giving woman...now is the time for it to BE believable to me! ME! ME! ME!
It is time for ME...a new ME...the ME I know lurks beneath the extra weight, beneath the low self esteem and beneath the fake smiles...

Get your s*&#t together!

Accountability and ambition! Two things I love to see in people. Unfortunately, for me I lack both, to myself. My house is disorganized and cluttered, my laundry pile stands a foot tall and I have gained back all the weight I lost. My intentions are good, I make great plans and lists, but have trouble following through with the plan. I think a lot of it has to do with my rebellious spirit. For so many years growing up I was told what to do, when to do, and for how long to do now that I am an adult and do not have to answer to anyone I have become a lazy rebel. Lazy rebel...funny. 
I plan to use this blog as an accountability partner. I love to write and express myself in this art form so why not? 
I have lots of great new things coming in my life. We are moving to a nicer place, I am excited to have a home that will be finished. No more crappy unfinished wood floors that I try to hide with a rug...no more tripping over the ripped linoleum while entering the kitchen. I think this new place will inspire me to finally put the touches I have always wanted to in a place of my own. 
So as I leave this entry for today my goal today is to do several loads of laundry and tackle the dining room (thank you sweet CMH for your encouragement). My poor table is no longer a place to sit and eat, rather a catch all of papers and junk. I will not stop til I see bare wood!