Ok, ok, ok I know it has been several weeks since I wrote...heck I only wrote one post then...nada. Well I could use the excuse "we just moved" but it has been a month which makes me feel even more guilty as to why there are still boxes left unpacked. Sigh. I could use the excuse that my dryer was broken so I couldn't do all of the laundry but then again I could have just hauled the 10 loads to the laundromat but...
I could use the excuse that the kids are out of school now and keep me extra busy but what about the 4 days I was kidfree? In all honesty, I am a lazy bum, as of late. I believe that it is easier for me to be this way because I carry the 40+ pounds around again that I lost a couple years ago. This is not me deep down, I hate being this big again and although people say that I look good, this is about ME and how I feel about ME.
So, what am I going to do? Keep whining and hope the weight comes off? Or get my butt in gear again and pursue my goals again? I shall do the second!
I really feel like my entire life is in a rut. I need to break out of this and finish my degree, lose this weight, and learn to appreciate all the wonderful people I have in my life.
I HATE change but I also do NOT like the way I feel about myself. I need to take care of myself again. For too long I have worried about others and tended to others needs' above my own. It is not healthy and it is tiring.
I have just applied to another Gerontology program, one hopefully that will fit better into my lifestyle. I have just moved from a run down dump to a lovely finished home.
I need to shed this weight. It holds me back on all levels in my life. I am going to do this, just as I did 2 years ago. Change won't come overnight but I need to learn to love myself again. I like to believe I am an awesome, sexy, bright, intelligent, loving, giving woman...now is the time for it to BE believable to me! ME! ME! ME!
It is time for ME...a new ME...the ME I know lurks beneath the extra weight, beneath the low self esteem and beneath the fake smiles...
Dear sweet LD BFF.....I LOVE that you are human. I LOVE that you can admit your faults, though they are so few! I LOVE knowing that someone else gives fake smiles, is having as hard a time as I am being motivated, loving themselves and struggling with the guilt that comes with putting themselves first. But, what I LOVE even more is your honest modesty! Dear LD BFF....do NOT, I repeat, do NOT beat yourself up over the weight gain, instead, embrace it for the reasons that it happened, look at the good things that have happened while you have gained weight back, accept and rejoice in the lessons you have learned! While the exterior of you may make you unhappy and have lowered your self esteem, let the beauty that makes up every facet of you, both internal and external, for they are so many, raise your spirits and self esteem! I am proud to call you my LD BFF and support you always in every endeavor, including this one!!! I LOVE YOU!
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