Ok, ok, ok I know it has been several weeks since I wrote...heck I only wrote one post then...nada. Well I could use the excuse "we just moved" but it has been a month which makes me feel even more guilty as to why there are still boxes left unpacked. Sigh. I could use the excuse that my dryer was broken so I couldn't do all of the laundry but then again I could have just hauled the 10 loads to the laundromat but...
I could use the excuse that the kids are out of school now and keep me extra busy but what about the 4 days I was kidfree? In all honesty, I am a lazy bum, as of late. I believe that it is easier for me to be this way because I carry the 40+ pounds around again that I lost a couple years ago. This is not me deep down, I hate being this big again and although people say that I look good, this is about ME and how I feel about ME.
So, what am I going to do? Keep whining and hope the weight comes off? Or get my butt in gear again and pursue my goals again? I shall do the second!
I really feel like my entire life is in a rut. I need to break out of this and finish my degree, lose this weight, and learn to appreciate all the wonderful people I have in my life.
I HATE change but I also do NOT like the way I feel about myself. I need to take care of myself again. For too long I have worried about others and tended to others needs' above my own. It is not healthy and it is tiring.
I have just applied to another Gerontology program, one hopefully that will fit better into my lifestyle. I have just moved from a run down dump to a lovely finished home.
I need to shed this weight. It holds me back on all levels in my life. I am going to do this, just as I did 2 years ago. Change won't come overnight but I need to learn to love myself again. I like to believe I am an awesome, sexy, bright, intelligent, loving, giving woman...now is the time for it to BE believable to me! ME! ME! ME!
It is time for ME...a new ME...the ME I know lurks beneath the extra weight, beneath the low self esteem and beneath the fake smiles...
